Sunday, February 10, 2013

Opinion time...

I want to start out by saying, starting a family is such a personal thing and should be discussed between a couple as to the details of when to start having kids and all that it entails.  So with that being said here is a perspective from a young Latter-Day Saint married woman who lives in a town full of Mormons (actively reproducing).

There are so many people up here in Rexburg who are having babies or planning on it.  I can't even count how many young married people (maybe even some who have just been married a week) are in this time of life where raising kids or desiring to have a family is so prominent.  I have learned to be happy for those people and to wish them luck on their journey of being parents.  I have also learned that I can support them by doing different things since I do not have kids yet.  I am totally fine with holding someone's kid for a minute while they fill out paperwork or need to deal with their other child's tantrum.  I can help them (well the moms in this specific case) by organizing a girls' night so that they can give themselves a little break from being a mom and refill their own cup so that they feel good about themselves.  The list goes on and on .

On the other hand, there are women up here, like me, who have (and I don't want this to sound mean at all, but it may come out that way so sorry if you feel offended) a different goal.  Not that we don't want to become a mom some day, but we would rather focus on our education so that we can be a better person for ourselves and later on for our children.  I, right now, am taking 14 credits of hard classes.  I have a goal in mind of getting in to dental school.  I want to do this for myself and for my future family.  I love that someday I will be able to be a good example to my kids of hard work and dedication.  I feel like becoming the best that I know I can be will make me a better mom in the end.  (Getting off soap box now).

You know how they say that your actions speak louder than your words.  Well it applies to your facial expressions as well.  When I tell some people up here that I want to get in to dental school (side note: I am one out of two girls in my pre-dental society up here on campus) their face just drops and after they pick their chin up they try to hide that it happened.  Or something even better they do is give a fake smile and node their head... like I don't see the under tone of that expression.  I can see that the immediate question in mind is, "but what about kids?".  I just want to tell them that it is non of their dang business and walk away.  But I, instead, go on to tell them all the wonderful goals and dreams that I can do with a career in dentistry and how my husband and I can later serve a mission with what we learn from our careers.  I think it is wonderful, and I am ok with them having their own opinion about how they think I should be living my life... they can keep it to themselves.

I guess my point is that I am tired of people around here being so fake about supporting women who have goals other than just being a mom.  Don't get me wrong, I love that some women are so good at being a mom and that they find such pride and joy in it.  (I follow Stephanie Neilson's blog at: and love that she can find such joy in being a mom.  I am so proud of her for accomplishing all that she has in her life)  I have a small group of friends up here for this reason, they support me, lift me up, and keep me going.  They are my honest cheerleaders who really do want me to succeed at my goals.  I wish more people could understand that not everyone can be the best parent they can by just defining themselves as a mom or dad.  I know that when I become a parent that that calling will become one of the best ones and a top priority... until then I am going to focus on making myself a better me so that in the future my kids will thank both me and my husband for doing just that.

1 comment:

Anna said...

I really appreciate your thoughts! I totally agree. No one should be in anyone else's business about when to have kids. There are so many reasons a couple may not be having kids and it is their business alone. I have a brother and sister-in-law who have not yet been able to have kids due to infertility and it is so hurtful when people pass judgement. I do believe that people are sometimes just truly unaware and not trying to be hurtful. I am sure I have been hurtful without meaning to. But that's also why we need to make a conscious effort to be kind, no matter what we may think personally.